In the new schedule we started this week we've begun "Family Fun Time" each day for an hour.  This is an hour that I am willing to do what the kids want to do: like go to the park, play games, and the like.  On Monday we were on our way to the park when we passed Rob, who was on his way home.  We convinced him to come with us and that made it much more fun for everyone!

Restricted or Liberated?

So the first week of our New Life is over.  We stuck to our schedule fairly well and it was one of the best weeks EVER.  I am serious - I think it might be the very best week because my kids have been ANGELS.  I don't mean to brag or anything (well, sort of I do), but they have been the most PERFECT children on the planet.  I swear our schedule must have come at the perfect time for them because they have responded so well to it.   I believe I was guided by the spirit as to what our family needed this summer and that our family is being blessed for our efforts to do what we feel is right for us at this time. 

Now there's no need to point out that they may not always be so cooperative because I know this.  (I have been a parent for nearly 12 years now, you know.)  I'm just hoping that their enthusiasm will last long enough that they will realize some of the benefits and that those benefits will help them to want to be self-disciplined in the future.
 

Obstacles

Because we've had something scheduled every single evening this week, the kids aren't getting to bed on time which means I haven't had the time I was planning on to work on projects and things I am interested in doing (i.e. blog, family history, etc.).  We're also having trouble making time for errands, play dates, visiting teaching and the like.  I'm not sure how to solve this problem, but I'm working on it.

Benefits

The kids have had more play time throughout the day (but not all in one block of time, which would make play dates easier) and are playing with each other nicely.  They are also getting their work and other responsibilities taken care of quickly and without complaining.  I have made time for scripture study during the day and personal study time so I have a chance to read for a little while each day.  Our family is reading scriptures and praying together each morning which has really set a good tone in our home for the day.

  

Mom School

This has been the favorite part of the day for all of us.  We have had so much fun "playing school".  The kids ask for more work even after our 90 minutes of Mom School are over.  And you wouldn't believe how much work we can get done in 90 minutes together. 

Chores

I scheduled 45 minutes of work time for the kids to do their chores: namely, tidy their rooms, do a daily job (anything from vacuuming to yard work), and a rotation job (put away clean dishes or watering the flowers or garden).  45 minutes has proven to be way more time than they need because they are FINALLY getting the concept that if they work quickly they'll have more free time.  It's only taken 5 or so years of consistently giving them work that had to be done before play time.  What can I say?  They're gifted.

Family Fun Time

I allotted 1 hour each day for Family Fun Time - the period of time where I will play with the kids.  We take turns deciding what we'll do for Family Fun Time, but so far the ideas they've come up with are: play at park, go to library, put on a puppet show, dress up, tea party, read together, throw balls to each other, play board games.  You get the idea.  This is a highlight of the day for the kids for sure.

Nap Time

After lunch I take a 45 minute nap.  I would like a 2-hour nap, but 45 minutes gives me enough energy to make it through the rest of the day in a pleasant mood.  Avery has been asleep through this time so far, but the kids know they are in charge of him if he wakes up early so they've been extra quiet to ensure he continues to sleep.  I have also been pleasantly surprised that they haven't used this time (or any of their free time during the day) to watch TV.

Restricted or Liberated?

All in all I have found our schedule thus far to be completely liberating because we're using our time wisely and my kids have been angels and I feel good at the end of the day because of how everything played out.  I feel  like we are actively working toward the goals that are most important to me.  Although there are certainly some restrictions (i.e. waking up before some external force requires us to), the benefits have far outweighed the costs.  There is a really good feeling in our home right now which I value more than those things we've given up.

I want to take this opportunity to point out that I am not saying that anyone else should adopt this schedule.  I don't profess to know what is best for anyone's family but my own. 

Olivia's Journaling Entries

I can't get my scanner driver to work properly, but here's the scanned image, uncropped.  I thought she wrote some cute stuff.

Yay! I got a response!

A couple of weeks ago I emailed Randal A. Wright concerning a survey he had talked about in one of his presentations (5 Mistakes Parents of Teenagers Make).  I didn't hear back from him, so I ended up posting my blog about heroes without knowing the source of the hero study he cited.  It turns out he wasn't ignoring me, he was just out of the country!  He wrote back when he returned and even emailed me the whole chapter out of his book that talks about heroes and gives even more information about the survey than I had before!  Isn't that awesome?  I'm so excited to read the whole 14 pages!  The remainder of this post is an excerpt from Randal A. Wright's book, 25 Mistakes LDS Parents Make and How To Avoid Them (it can be purchased in its entirety here).

Heroes of Youth

1900

78% historical figures

12% literary

10% relatives/acquaintances

(Dorothy Barclay, "Youth's Heroes and Hero Worship,"  

The New York Times Magazine, 4 November 1951, p.42.)

            However things began to change drastically after that time. In 1923 advertising genius Albert Lasker of the Lord and Thomas advertising agency was hired to boost sales for the American Tobacco Company. The campaign focused on trying to convince women to smoke realizing they could double their potential market if successful. To do this the agency hired female silent movie stars and opera singers to endorse Lucky Strike Cigarettes. This campaign also focused on making women weight conscious and the slogan ‘reach for a Lucky instead of a sweet’ was coined. “Sales of Lucky Strike cigarettes increased by 312% during the following year.” (US News and World Report, March 7, 1994, p. 21.) This campaign demonstrated that celebrity “heroes” could do an amazing job of selling products. This discovery has had a huge impact on modern families and society as a whole. No wonder Clare Barnes said: "Advertising has done more to cause the social unrest of the twentieth century than any other single factor." (PQ p.43)

By 1950 advertisers had totally distorted the traditional hero of the past.. This new celebrity hero often had little to do with the traditional definition of “brave deeds and noble qualities.” The new hero fits much better with the term idol, which by definition is “a person or thing which is excessively admired.” Look at the difference in the heroes of 1900 and 1950.

Heroes of Youth

1950

33% historical figures

00% literary

10% relatives and acquaintances

57% sports, radio, and movie stars

(Dorothy Barclay, "Youth's Heroes and Hero Worship,"  

The New York Times Magazine, 4 November 1951, p.42.)

            These new celebrity heroes came to represent fame, good looks, individualism, wealth, notoriety, talent and about everything else a person dreams of having in his or her lifetime. Teenagers searching for role models to follow are especially influenced by this barrage.

            Recently we conducted a survey of American high school students to see if those they admired had changed even more since the 1950 survey. We found the following in 2001:

Heroes of Youth

2001

02% historical figures

00% literary

12% relatives and acquaintances

86% sports, radio, television and movie stars

(American Youth Survey, 2001)

            But what does all this talk of celebrity heroes or “teen idols” have to do with our families? One thing is apparent. The new heroes all share more in common than just fame, fortune and good looks. What is it they share? They and the companies they represent are all selling something. It may be high priced athletic shoes, CD’s, DVD’s, movie or concert tickets, mid-drift baring clothes or teen magazines, but they are selling something and we as a public are buying. But can they sell more than just products?

He's So Cute I Can't Help It!

This child is so adorable I can't help but take a ton of pictures of him.  Here are a few for your viewing pleasure!

The cuteness is hurting my eyes! 

4th Grade Mountain Man Day

I got to help at Olivia's 4th grade Mountain Man Rendezvous in May.  The kids went to 8 different stations, including dipping candles, making fry bread, sand art, leather stamping, playing games, making a game to take home, helping with thank you gifts for the volunteers and something else I cannot now recall.  And I got to stay for lunch with the 4th graders and take Olivia home 1/2 an hour before school ended!

Here we are while eating Indian Fry Bread - mmmmm! 

Olivia in the foreground, her friend Saige in the background (right) and Saige's dad and grandma, who also helped out all day!

Not to brag or anything, but my little Viva is buff!  She beat this boy several times while doing this stick pull game.  Oh, and now she's strong enough to cut the lawn - most of it, anyway.

Who's Your Hero?

American Idol just completed its 9th season.  Its viewers range from 9.9 to 38 million per episode in the United States.  The 9.9 million number was from the beginning of season 1; the next lowest viewer total was 19.6 million.

Winners and contestants from this television show are household names - children and adults are familiar with these singers and some people can tell you all about the contestants.  I wonder if as many people could tell you in as much detail about the Founding Fathers or what each of the major wars in our country were fought over.  My point is that a huge number of people can cite pop culture idols but know little of real heroes.  I am far from knowing all I want to know about American history and I should certainly work to learn more, but I have an abiding, deep respect for the people that sacrificed many dear things to build our nation.  I also have a desire to know more.

 

This is a display at Tolman Elementary, which honors our nation's founders and provides information about the establishment of our government.  It also includes a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.  Way to go, Tolman, for investing in this display to help educate children in important things!

Hero: 

1 a : a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability b : an illustrious warrior c : a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities d : one that shows great courage
2 a : the principal male character in a literary or dramatic work b : the central figure in an event, period, or movement
3 plural usually heros : submarine 2
4 : an object of extreme admiration and devotion : idol

Idol:  

a representation or symbol of an object of worship; broadly : a false god
2 a : a likeness of something b obsolete : pretender, impostor
3 : a form or appearance visible but without substance
4 : an object of extreme devotion ; also : ideal 2
5 : a false conception : fallacy

Considering these definitions, are some of your heroes actually idols?  I think it's important to distinguish between the two and make sure we are educating the children around us about true heroes so they will look up to those who have a meaningful impact on others. 



Here is some interesting (tragic) information from a study conducted in 1900 and 1950 on heroes.  I'm still trying to figure out the name of the study and will update this when I find out.
                                                 1900           1950
Historical Figures                       78%            33%
Literary Figures                          12%             0%
Relatives and Acquaintances         10%           10%
Figures in Entertainment               0%            57%

See the trend?  What a tragedy!  I think  television (introduced in homes in the 1930s) and radio (common in homes in the 1920s) played a major part in the evolution of heroes between the years 1900 and 1950.  Imagine what the numbers would be today!  I have a feeling today's heroic figures would include animated characters at least as frequently as historical figures. 
 
My point: teach the children around you about true heroes and how to distinguish between a hero and an idol.


*Picture of founding fathers is by John Buxton.

Enjoying May!

Avery loves this little bike.  It was Alex's, then Gage used it when I babysat him and now Avery's enjoying it.  The only problem is that when it's time to come inside Avery wants to bring it inside too.  He has thrown several fits because I won't let it come inside.  Poor, picked on Avery.

Ashlie is so wonderful with Avery. She helps me out so much; I don't know what I'd do without her.  And (I'm convinced this is the reason) because of her caretaking Avery adores Ashlie.   Regardless of age, you can't help but love people that take care of you.  Conversely, we learn to love those we take care of.

We are borrowing my in-laws fire pit.  It has been so much fun to have around.  We're going to have to get ourselves one of these!  The kids have loved building the fire, roasting hot dogs, marshmallows and s'mores and just hanging out outdoors.  And I have loved all these benefits without the hassles that come with camping!

 

 I love our side yard!  It is such a nice place to be in the spring, summer and fall.  It is on the west side of our house, so there is shade in the hot summer evenings.  In the winter I really miss this extension of our home. 

 My crazy kids!  They were in the mood for a photo shoot one night before bed.  I guess they'll do just about anything to postpone bedtime!

Favorite Lectures

I have bunch of talks on my ipod that I LOVE and listen to every 6 or 9 months because they inspire and teach me.  I guess one of the main reasons I listen to these talks again and again is because it helps me to make conscious decisions about the issues.

One of my favorite talks is by James D. MacArthur, a psychology professor at BYU.  In his talk, Parents and Self Worth, he discusses the idea of parenting deliberately - something that requires actually thinking about where we're at as parents right now, how the things we're doing now are working or not and making changes based on the end result we're hoping for.  This idea of deliberate parenting has stuck with me and the specific ideas he gives have been very helpful to me.  Another of my favorite concepts from Dr. MacArthur is expressing love for our children both because of the decisions they make and just because they are who they are.  If we choose to express love to children only based on what they DO, they will probably never quite measure up - or never think they've measured up.  If we express love only based on "existence = worth", they may not reach their full potential.  It is the balance of these two that helps to produce emotionally healthy children.  There is so much information in this presentation that every parent should learn and try.  Dr. MacArthur's book goes into waaaay more detail: Everyday Parents Raising Great Kids. 

Another of my favorite talks is To the Parents of Teenagers: Avoiding 5 Oft-Made Mistakes by Randal A. Wright.  I found that there is a talk with the same title by Brent Barlow, but I don't know if the content is the same.  This, too, is from Education Week.


Another of my favorites is I Can Do All Things Through Christ Which Strengtheneth Me.  This is by Jack Rushton, a man who was in a surfing accident and became a quadriplegic.  He tells his story and discusses how Christ can help us get through any and everything we have to face.  He talks about the difference between being cured and healing and finding peace in the circumstances we find ourselves in.  He has written a book, It's Good To Be Alive, which I would LOVE to get.

I also love Righteous Warriors by John Bytheway.  He mostly teaches teenagers but even as an adult I love his talks.  This one is all about the "War Chapters" in the Book of Mormon.  These are some of my favorite chapters now that I have really studied them and after learning many of the specific ways they relate to our day.  Incidentally, my girls listen to John Bytheway talks all the time when they're getting ready for bed and going to sleep because they think he's funny and interesting.  I love this!  Bytheway has written several books and also has tons of talks on CD.  My favorites are on The John Bytheway Collection: Volume 1.

There are many more I could list but this is enough for now.  I hope that if one of these talks sounds interesting that you'll take the time to listen to it.  Who knows, it just might help with something you're struggling with.

If you're interested in listening to or downloading these kinds of talks to your mp3 player, visit BYU Broadcasting and follow the instructions found there.  It's super easy and a great resource!  Find talks from Education Week, BYU Women's Conference, General Conference, BYU Forums and Devotionals and more.

Putting Away Childish Things

I see an increasing need for girls and boys to be taught how to be women and men. I have heard of so many people lately who can't seem to get past their teenage selves and into adulthood.  I can't say I understand this phenomenon. I've seen so many men lately who have left their wives and children to play and pretend they are single men.  I've seen women who put their own needs ahead of the needs of their children time and time again.  I don't know if I'm just becoming more and more aware of this or if the problem is spreading like a plague, but either way it is disconcerting alarming and the effects on our society are devastating.

I just watched this video about real men that I'd love to share with everyone.  Also, in April's general conference the following was read by Sister Julie B. Beck, quoting Eliza R. Snow:

"We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and Holy Ones.  In an organized capacity we can assist each other in not only doing good but in refining ourselves, and whether few or many come forward and help to prosecute this great work, they will be those that will fill honorable positions in the Kingdom of God...Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time.  I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation we think is our due, what matters?  We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities."

I want my girls to grow up to be the kind of women that are described in this quote. I read in a book (Reviving Ophelia) that the "selfishness of the teen years is a developmental stage, not a character flaw".  While I believe this to be true, I also believe that once the teen years are over it's time to grow up and actively work toward becoming unselfish adults who try to put the needs of their family above their own.

It brings to mind the following scripture: 

1 Cor. 13: 11  When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

It is to Rob's credit that he was able to marry at a young age, start a family quickly and yet "put away childish things".  He has steadily supported our family through tremendous hard work and long hours ever since.  He supports our children in every way and he has been faithful to and supportive of me.  He is a real man.  To us, "Family is Everything" and life is easier for all of us because we value family highly.

Let me tell you a story.  In January our van's transmission went out (you know, right after Christmas when money is especially tight).  Rob's parents loaned us the $3000 to fix the van (thank you!).  I was really discouraged because the van is only worth about $3000, yet we couldn't afford to buy a new one yet and had to sink that much money back into the vehicle we were anxious to get rid of.  Having to pay for these repairs would increase the time it took to get a new van by at least a year. 

Meanwhile, Rob was in the process of selling his beloved fish "stuff", including several large tanks, his stingrays and other exotic fish he had collected over the past couple of years.  He had decided to sell them and put the money into his 'motorcycle fund'.  Shortly after the van needed to be repaired, Rob decided (with no pressure from his parents) to use the money he had earned from selling his fish stuff to pay his parents back rather than be that much closer to having a motorcycle.  Now, if this isn't the stuff real men are made of, I don't know what is. 

Rob will probably never know how much it means to me that he made this sacrifice for our family because words cannot express how wonderful I think that decision was.  He is a wonderful example to my boys of the kind of men they should try to become and an example to my girls of the kind of men I hope they marry.  Even though I don't tell him or show him nearly enough, Rob is and will always be my Prince Charming.