I try really hard to be a good mother who teaches her children important things and is consistent (most of the time) and loving. I set boundaries and have rules for acceptable conduct and try to make time for each of my kids. It's just that we have too many good and even many better things in our lives, but we're having trouble making time for some of the best things. I've got to consider the cumulative effect of my daily decisions and make sure I'm doing all that I can to provide my children with the best of the best.
I've spent a lot of time of late pondering what I really want out of my life and have come to the conclusion that I simply must instigate some changes in my home if I am going to be the kind of parent I actually want to be. Being good isn't enough for me; I want to be great! In the blink of an eye my children are going to be grown up and gone and I know I will wonder if I've done as much for them as I could have done. I want to limit my regrets as much as possible, so I'm making some changes.
First, I am great at cleaning. I generally keep a tidy house and Rob and I work to keep a nice-looking yard. However, I know my tendency is to spend too much time cleaning and at the end of the day (or week) I realize I didn't accomplish many of the important things I wanted to do and the house is a mess again regardless. So lately I have made a concerted effort to clean my house less. This may sound strange to some people, but at the end of the day a perfectly clean house is not what I want to be remembered by. Don't get me wrong: I still want a tidy, sanitary place to live which is devoid of excess clutter - it's just that it doesn't need to be quite as clean as I actually like it to be. Now, this is only going to be beneficial if I use the time I had been spending cleaning to do something that is even more important to me, so I've come up with a schedule to help myself stay on track for the summer. I know schedules can be scary because they feel restrictive, but I'm trying to look at it from the perspective that if I stick to a schedule I will make the time for things that are most important to me (I've even scheduled in "project time" each day for things like family history!). 
Second, my family is over-scheduled. We've got to simplify our lives and stay home more to make time for some of the other things on my list. Before committing to something, I'm going to think about whether it enhances or detracts from my goals for my family. This will inevitably impact the people around us, but hopefully they will understand.Third, I'm not spending enough time teaching my kids. I teach them things as we go along through life and we have Family Home Evening most of the time, but I want them to know more and in order to do that, I've got to invest more structured time. I specifically want to spend more time teaching Bible and Book of Mormon stories.
Fourth, I need to schedule in more time for personal study, prayer, meditation and journal writing. These are things that are important to me and trying to squeeze them in at the end of the day isn't good enough.Fifth, I want to spend more quality time with my kids. I'm notorious for multi-tasking. Sure, this is mostly a good quality, but when it comes to making kids feel important it gets in the way. I want my kids to have some dedicated "mom time" every single day. And so I'm scheduling in time during the summer to do something with them without the distractions of my to-do list. This time could be spent playing games, going on a walk, reading books together, being silly or just talking. I'm sure they'll think up some other creative ideas, too.
Seventh, we're going to spend less time with our electronic friends and more time playing outdoors. This is a change I've wanted to make for a while and now is the time. I'm a little bit scared to face my husband and kids on this one, but I'm the Mom, so I'm willing to fight this battle to free up time for better things. This may sound like a list of New Year's Resolutions which will promptly be tossed aside when reality sets in, but I am determined to improve in these areas because I've got my "eye on the prize". I know this is a lot to change all at once, but I have to make the changes that require giving something up in order to have time for the changes that involve doing more important things. Making changes one by one would certainly be an improvement, but I'm in the market for more of an overhaul. I'm certain that my proposed schedule will have to be tweaked and some days we'll abandon it altogether, but it's a starting place.
P.S. Saturdays and one weekday each week during the summer will be schedule-free, reserved for things like field trips, running errands or sleeping in late. Oh yeah, the days I work (twice a month) don't count either!
3 comments:
Wise . . . Vvry wise.
Natalie,
Your dear parents taught me the GREATEST time saving lesson of my entire life! (Thank you Ken & Debbie so much. I love your family and the 2+ years I got to spend with your family.)
As you know, your parents put a device on the TV that limited each child to only 2 hours per week. I took this a step further... Sometime after 2002 I stopped watching ALL TV.
Like an addiction, it was hard for 30 days. Then I was over it. I cut off the TV antenna cables coming out of the walls! Everyone says you can pick and choose quality vs. junk on TV. You can't. If you try to watch one, you are always going to be exposed to the other. But that's not why I quit. I quit because TV and the world of electronic fantasy is a huge time waster. Life is too short, too precious to waste this way.
Not only do I have much more time, my life is so much more at peace without TV. TV is a very fast moving, noisy, disruptive media. TV news programs promote almost nothing but FEAR. You can read the same news story. What you notice is when you read it it doesn't emotionally affect you much as compared to seeing a video of it. Your life becomes so much calmer and happier because the fear they are selling is gone!
If I go to a restaurant or someone's house with a TV on, I don't want to see it or hear it. I've noticed I instinctively turn away from it or soon leave.
Ironically as TVs improved so much and are now flat, large and beautiful, TV media became junk.
A couple times a month I may watch a video. (I've also went long periods without.) But no TV. I pick what I want to see. I'm not exposed to the news and the fear it is selling. It's not disruptive, not noisy, there are few to no ads.
The only negative I can see from not watching TV is I'm not exposed to any marketing for new movies. But I can live with that.
Taking this a step further... I've NEVER in my life played a video game or a computer game. Why? They are time wasters. Life is too precious to waste that way.
I also don't like cell phones. I will only own and use one if I have to for work. I have never used one to text because it's an addiction and a time waster. Yes they are convenient and could be helpful in an emergency, but I value my time and not being on an electronic dog leash over those other two reasons. When pagers were invented it was thought medical doctors would be their main market. It was thought smart doctors would never allow themselves to be put on an electronic dog leash. A small percentage of people like me detest and don't use cell phones unless we absolutely have to for work. We are called "Refuseniks."
As long as you don't text, a cell phone may not waste much time. The other things I've listed are all major time wasters.
I'm also not into iPod type music devices. I'm not a whale; I don't need to carry with me thousands of songs. It's a fad people have bought into without even thinking about it. Hearing doctors say these devices in the ear will destroy hearing.
I LIKE your blog. But I will never have one because of the time it takes and I'm too private. I'm not saying don't have one, everyone should do what makes them happy.
For this time reason, I'm not a blog reader either. I happened to see your mother's blog a couple days ago. It is the first blog I've ever glanced at. I only glanced at the latest two entries in your blog. Okay, I'll play favorites... Your blog is the better of the two. It is quality, it has a real depth to it, it is highly intelligent.
Since comments can only be up to 4096 characters, I will continue this in the next comment.
Continued from my first comment.
What interested me so much in your parents and their children is you are all highly intelligent -- like I am. This is so hard to find.
With this extra time I've been able to travel all over the world, live a fun adventurous life most people can't even imagine.
For example, Saturday I spent all day with extended family members soaking in two deep, volcanic, funnel shape, free natural hot springs southwest of Fillmore, UT. (Google: Meadow Hot Spring.) I frequent natural hot springs, hiking trails, tops of mountains, national parks, state parks, the outdoors in general, train trips, fun markets, San Francisco, beaches, river trips, cheap courier trips overseas to exotic places, elephant riding and elephant camps, primitive hill tribes, Temple Square, musical performances, theater, and so MUCH MORE! So many fun things I do cost little or nothing.
Your dear parents and sister, Jenn, changed my LIFE!
The book Jonathon Livingston Seagull also explains this. It's about a seagull who learns to fly higher and faster than all the other seagulls until he leaves his flock. His flock can't relate to him, but that doesn't matter. He is happier.
Borrowing from Robert Frost... I've taken the road LESS traveled. And I have loved it.
Natalie, you have turned out SO WELL. I'm the most impressed with you of all your parents' children. Growing up you were an A student, you kept a clean room and were very organized and neat, you had a job. You seemed like the perfect daughter. I could never figure out why your parents seemed harder on you than some of your other siblings (but it must have helped mold you into the wonderful person you have become).
I smile now at the irony... Your parents were so nervous (for lack of a better word) of whom you chose to marry. Yet your husband seems fantastic and your marriage seems one of the most stable of all your siblings' marriages.
Even though you are neither the oldest child nor the oldest girl in your family, you seem the most mature and wise. You seem like you have taken on the role of the mother hen for your extended family. I think this is GREAT. You are doing a wonderful job!!!
Brian.
Post a Comment