Enjoying May!

Avery loves this little bike.  It was Alex's, then Gage used it when I babysat him and now Avery's enjoying it.  The only problem is that when it's time to come inside Avery wants to bring it inside too.  He has thrown several fits because I won't let it come inside.  Poor, picked on Avery.

Ashlie is so wonderful with Avery. She helps me out so much; I don't know what I'd do without her.  And (I'm convinced this is the reason) because of her caretaking Avery adores Ashlie.   Regardless of age, you can't help but love people that take care of you.  Conversely, we learn to love those we take care of.

We are borrowing my in-laws fire pit.  It has been so much fun to have around.  We're going to have to get ourselves one of these!  The kids have loved building the fire, roasting hot dogs, marshmallows and s'mores and just hanging out outdoors.  And I have loved all these benefits without the hassles that come with camping!

 

 I love our side yard!  It is such a nice place to be in the spring, summer and fall.  It is on the west side of our house, so there is shade in the hot summer evenings.  In the winter I really miss this extension of our home. 

 My crazy kids!  They were in the mood for a photo shoot one night before bed.  I guess they'll do just about anything to postpone bedtime!

Favorite Lectures

I have bunch of talks on my ipod that I LOVE and listen to every 6 or 9 months because they inspire and teach me.  I guess one of the main reasons I listen to these talks again and again is because it helps me to make conscious decisions about the issues.

One of my favorite talks is by James D. MacArthur, a psychology professor at BYU.  In his talk, Parents and Self Worth, he discusses the idea of parenting deliberately - something that requires actually thinking about where we're at as parents right now, how the things we're doing now are working or not and making changes based on the end result we're hoping for.  This idea of deliberate parenting has stuck with me and the specific ideas he gives have been very helpful to me.  Another of my favorite concepts from Dr. MacArthur is expressing love for our children both because of the decisions they make and just because they are who they are.  If we choose to express love to children only based on what they DO, they will probably never quite measure up - or never think they've measured up.  If we express love only based on "existence = worth", they may not reach their full potential.  It is the balance of these two that helps to produce emotionally healthy children.  There is so much information in this presentation that every parent should learn and try.  Dr. MacArthur's book goes into waaaay more detail: Everyday Parents Raising Great Kids. 

Another of my favorite talks is To the Parents of Teenagers: Avoiding 5 Oft-Made Mistakes by Randal A. Wright.  I found that there is a talk with the same title by Brent Barlow, but I don't know if the content is the same.  This, too, is from Education Week.


Another of my favorites is I Can Do All Things Through Christ Which Strengtheneth Me.  This is by Jack Rushton, a man who was in a surfing accident and became a quadriplegic.  He tells his story and discusses how Christ can help us get through any and everything we have to face.  He talks about the difference between being cured and healing and finding peace in the circumstances we find ourselves in.  He has written a book, It's Good To Be Alive, which I would LOVE to get.

I also love Righteous Warriors by John Bytheway.  He mostly teaches teenagers but even as an adult I love his talks.  This one is all about the "War Chapters" in the Book of Mormon.  These are some of my favorite chapters now that I have really studied them and after learning many of the specific ways they relate to our day.  Incidentally, my girls listen to John Bytheway talks all the time when they're getting ready for bed and going to sleep because they think he's funny and interesting.  I love this!  Bytheway has written several books and also has tons of talks on CD.  My favorites are on The John Bytheway Collection: Volume 1.

There are many more I could list but this is enough for now.  I hope that if one of these talks sounds interesting that you'll take the time to listen to it.  Who knows, it just might help with something you're struggling with.

If you're interested in listening to or downloading these kinds of talks to your mp3 player, visit BYU Broadcasting and follow the instructions found there.  It's super easy and a great resource!  Find talks from Education Week, BYU Women's Conference, General Conference, BYU Forums and Devotionals and more.

Putting Away Childish Things

I see an increasing need for girls and boys to be taught how to be women and men. I have heard of so many people lately who can't seem to get past their teenage selves and into adulthood.  I can't say I understand this phenomenon. I've seen so many men lately who have left their wives and children to play and pretend they are single men.  I've seen women who put their own needs ahead of the needs of their children time and time again.  I don't know if I'm just becoming more and more aware of this or if the problem is spreading like a plague, but either way it is disconcerting alarming and the effects on our society are devastating.

I just watched this video about real men that I'd love to share with everyone.  Also, in April's general conference the following was read by Sister Julie B. Beck, quoting Eliza R. Snow:

"We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and Holy Ones.  In an organized capacity we can assist each other in not only doing good but in refining ourselves, and whether few or many come forward and help to prosecute this great work, they will be those that will fill honorable positions in the Kingdom of God...Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time.  I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation we think is our due, what matters?  We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities."

I want my girls to grow up to be the kind of women that are described in this quote. I read in a book (Reviving Ophelia) that the "selfishness of the teen years is a developmental stage, not a character flaw".  While I believe this to be true, I also believe that once the teen years are over it's time to grow up and actively work toward becoming unselfish adults who try to put the needs of their family above their own.

It brings to mind the following scripture: 

1 Cor. 13: 11  When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

It is to Rob's credit that he was able to marry at a young age, start a family quickly and yet "put away childish things".  He has steadily supported our family through tremendous hard work and long hours ever since.  He supports our children in every way and he has been faithful to and supportive of me.  He is a real man.  To us, "Family is Everything" and life is easier for all of us because we value family highly.

Let me tell you a story.  In January our van's transmission went out (you know, right after Christmas when money is especially tight).  Rob's parents loaned us the $3000 to fix the van (thank you!).  I was really discouraged because the van is only worth about $3000, yet we couldn't afford to buy a new one yet and had to sink that much money back into the vehicle we were anxious to get rid of.  Having to pay for these repairs would increase the time it took to get a new van by at least a year. 

Meanwhile, Rob was in the process of selling his beloved fish "stuff", including several large tanks, his stingrays and other exotic fish he had collected over the past couple of years.  He had decided to sell them and put the money into his 'motorcycle fund'.  Shortly after the van needed to be repaired, Rob decided (with no pressure from his parents) to use the money he had earned from selling his fish stuff to pay his parents back rather than be that much closer to having a motorcycle.  Now, if this isn't the stuff real men are made of, I don't know what is. 

Rob will probably never know how much it means to me that he made this sacrifice for our family because words cannot express how wonderful I think that decision was.  He is a wonderful example to my boys of the kind of men they should try to become and an example to my girls of the kind of men I hope they marry.  Even though I don't tell him or show him nearly enough, Rob is and will always be my Prince Charming.