Day by day nothing seems to change

Marjorie Pay Hinckley Quote

Mothering

I have strong feelings about my role as a mother.  Let me share some of my favorite quotes on the subject.  I'm trying to be the kind of mother that weeds out that which is unnecessary and things which do not last.  This isn't a popular way of life these days.  People don't like it when I say 'no' to things that they think are normal or that our society expects.  But what really matters? 

“Some mothers in today's world feel "cumbered" by home duties and are thus attracted by other more "romantic" challenges. Such women could make the same error of perspective that Martha made. The woman, for instance, who deserts the cradle in order to help defend civilization against the barbarians may well later meet, among the barbarians, her own neglected child.”                            ― Neal A. Maxwell, Wherefore, Ye Must Press Forward

“Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.”
                          ― Julie B. Beck

Slow Down & Simplify!

Everybody is a Genius

Why is it that the vast majority of people have accepted the idea that everyone needs to learn the SAME, basic set of information in their first 13 years of education?  Of course, there is a little variation based on electives that may be chosen once the child reaches late middle and high schools, but for the most part we expect everyone to learn all the same things.

I believe that each person has his/her own personal mission in this life and that we should be tailoring individual education to meet the child, not tailoring the child to meet a generic, predetermined information set.  Is that hard to do?  Yes!  But no harder than cramming all the square peg children into round education holes.

Can you imagine if you had been allowed in your education to spend as much time as you wanted on something you felt passionate about?  What if you were profoundly interested in learning about how to build things and you got to read and practice building things to your heart's content?

And then you realized that if you wanted to build cooler things you needed to learn some math and science.  So you had an internally motivating reason to learn math and science.  Would you learn math and science more efficiently?  Absolutely!  Are you going to spend your free time learning about it?  Yep.  Are you going to retain the information you learn?  Of course.  You have a reason that you are passionate about that will keep you learning and progressing.  And my opinion is that if you have a passion about building it is because God gave you that passion because it would help you fulfill your life's mission and purpose.

Am I against public schooling?  No!  I am against the idea that everyone should be forced to have the same education and I am against the government determining what my children need to learn.  I am infinitely more concerned with the long-term good of my children than anyone in any government, any school official, or any teacher.  If parents are committed to providing the best education for their children and determine that public school isn't best for them, they should have the flexibility to take their children where they believe they will obtain the best schooling.

Our current public education system isn't working for everyone.  I'll bet right now you can think of at least a couple of kids who don't fit the public education mold. Charter schools are popping up all over the country and home educating and online schooling are becoming more and more popular options because people need more flexibility for their kids to receive a quality education without being damaged for life.  Back to square pegs and round holes.  Public education is a wonderful option for so many people, but not for everyone.

Home Schooling Our Kids

I was recently asked by a friend about home schooling.  The following is what I wrote to her, so I thought I'd go ahead and post it here in case anyone else wanted to know my thoughts.

I am homeschooling Alex (8) and Ashlie (13) right now (and Avery, too, I guess!).  I agreed to let Olivia (11) go back to school for 6th grade, but next year I'll keep them all home.  The primary reason I sent Olivia back for 6th grade is because I had promised Alex he would have a year for just him because he was jealous that Olivia had a year at home and he had to go to school.

The changes in my children when they've been at home for schooling has been so remarkable that I can't rightly justify sending them back to public schools.  We are all thriving this way.

Olivia was developing into a bit of a brat in 4th grade.  I prayed about what to do about her and I just couldn't get over the idea that what she needed was more time at home and more one-on-one time with me.  So, I agreed to home school her for 1 year, not being able to commit to more.  It turned out to be the best year for both of us.  I could not have imagined the strength that came into our relationship by bringing her home.  She could usually do her school work in the first 3 hours of the day, then she spent the day following me around and learning how to be a mom.  Her relationship with Avery strengthened.  We spent at least an hour every afternoon reading and snuggling together and by mid-year she absolutely loved reading and once that fire is lit, it never really goes out.  Like I said, I let her go back for 6th grade, but I really regret it.  She has gone back to being kind of mouthy and forgetting how important family is.  She is really good at school and gets near perfect grades, but it takes a lot longer to learn the same amount of information at school and you're restricted in how deeply you can learn things.  I like that at home we can spend as long as we want on a subject that they're interested in and just learn the basics of things that aren't interesting to them.  By the way, Olivia turned back into my angelic child once she was out of public school.  I'm hoping this happens again at the end of the 6th grade year.

Anyone else have bad junior high experiences they wish they could forget?

Ashlie was very unhappy in 7th grade at Bountiful Jr and I could tell her self-confidence was diminishing and she was beginning to not like learning.  Her grades were really suffering (she has always had straight A's).   Historically she had been the one in my family that most loved school.  She was begging to be home schooled, but I wouldn't take her out until she got all her grades back up to A's.  I pulled her out at the semester break and I've never seen her happier since then.  In the 6 weeks since then, she has completed almost an entire year of Algebra, practices piano at least an hour or two each day, spends tons of time sewing and cooking and reading and is hungry to learn everything she can.  She is taking Latin and Algebra through Washington Online Schools, but the rest we just do at home.  She was in 4 honors classes in public school but still bored because they were moving too slowly.  Now she can move at her own pace and fly through subjects and have plenty of time to spare, along with learning home-making skills and her focus is far more on family than friends. 

The question home schoolers are always asked is if we're concerned about socialization.  To that I give a resounding "NO"!  With the YW program and home school groups all over the place, she has ample opportunities for socializing.  It is true that home schoolers may need to work harder to seek out friendships, but that doesn't mean there aren't opportunities!

Kids at the South Davis Liber Academy

Next year both Olivia and Ashlie will be enrolled in a commonwealth school called South Davis Liber Academy (SDLA).  They take classes all day on Thursdays (taught primarily by parents and older student mentors) then do the remainder of their work at home the rest of the week.  I have been watching my nephew and his schoolmates at this school for 2 years and have been amply impressed by the quality of people coming out of that school.  They are really amazing people who all seem to be comfortable in their own skin and with their own talents.  Yes, there are lots of weird kids, but they are true to themselves and not trying to pretend to be like the most popular kids, like they do in public school.  The truth is everyone is different and should be!

It has been a bit of a struggle with Alex because he currently hates learning and hates being forced to learn.  I think school took all the fun out of education for him, and I expect it will take some time before he will rediscover the love of learning new things, but I know it will happen eventually.  He takes science through Washington Online Schools, but the rest we do at home in a non-pressure environment.  He has always been really good at math and spelling, but so far he still doesn't love to read.  I know it will come, though.  I have loved seeing Alex using his creative abilities better (i.e. discovering in the outdoors, carving stuff out of sticks, making his own bow and arrow, building things, etc.) and I love that I don't have to fight him to go to school every single day and then hear about how awful things were at school.

Who wouldn't rather learn in an environment like this?!

There are many wonderful teachers in public schools - my kids have had some great ones!  The problem is that it's a gamble from year to year whether you'll get teachers that will inspire your children.  And each year the children need to learn the new teacher's style and reset their focus based on what that teacher thinks is most important.  They lose a lot of time and effort switching between teachers each year and their personal philosophies about what is important. 

I know I've said a lot but I wanted you to understand where we're coming from and what we've seen so far.  My biggest pieces of advice for anyone considering home schooling are: 1) pray about it, and 2) get informed!  Talk to as many people as you can.  Find out what all your options are because they are plentiful.  The biggest regret I have is not being willing to try it sooner.  I always thought of myself as someone that "could never do that", but you do what you think is best for your family regardless of how hard it is! 

Talk to as many people as you can who have tried it.  You're not going to get good enough information from people who haven't ever tried it!

There are so many home schoolers out there right now and more joining the ranks all the time.  The thing I can unabashedly say about every home school family I've met is that they are people who are trying to find a better way to meet the needs of their children.  I've not met a single home school parent who isn't really trying to do what's best for their family - and at great personal expense.  It is not the easy way, but it is SO worth it!  


For an entertaining 4-minute video on the subject, visit: 7 lies about homeschooling.
Home schooling info: Mindfiesta

Yes, I'm getting weird

My younger sister has, on occasion, commented that I'm getting weird. Well, I know. But - in my defense - I have to do what feels right for my family, regardless of how strange I appear to other people.  It's not always easy to go against what "most" people or "normal" people do, but luckily I was raised in an environment where appearances and "normal" weren't the most important things! (Thanks, Mom and Dad!)

Better Late than Never!

I wrote this blog post in a Word document several months ago and I guess I never posted it.   I believe in it's better late than never, so here it is!

The school year has come to an end.  The kids are now all home for the summer and the house is a LOT more chaotic all day long than it was just a week ago.  It is always an adjustment when school gets out in the summer, but by the time summer is coming to a close I never want the kids to go back to school because I love having them home with me.

My home school year with Olivia has ended.  I am sincerely mourning the end because it has been such a wonderful year.  I have truly loved having her home with Avery and me all day every day.  The best result we realized was also our primary goal: to strengthen our relationship.  Having all that time together with only the distraction of one other child made it so much easier for me to meet her needs.  And when her needs for attention and one-on-one time are met she is a truly delightful child.  I am so sad to send her back to school next year and will have to try especially hard to keep our relationship strong.

Being with just Olivia and Avery during the day is a walk in the park compared to when all of my children are home in the afternoon and evening.  It has become quite poignant to me that having 4 children is significantly harder than having 2.  Now this may seem obvious to some, but it seems that some people don't realize that it is much harder to be a good mom as you add additional children.  As I think about this it also occurs to me that I really have NO idea what it must be like for people who have more than 4 children.  (Mom, how did you do it????) 

Now don't get me wrong....being a mom is the very best thing I've ever done in my life and I LOVE it more than any other thing I could be doing.  I wouldn't trade my role for anything and I LOVE having 4 kids.  However, it is really hard work. 

Recently someone I know who works full time but is not married and has no children said something to the effect of how busy she is and that I (and the other stay-at-home-moms that were in the room) probably have more time than she does to get things done.  I wanted to laugh in her face.  It just shows her naivety because she simply cannot comprehend the unrelenting and constant work that it is to be a wife and the mother of multiple children. 

Let's explore just one aspect of being "the mom".  I like to get my laundry done on one day each week.  I make sure we have enough clothes that I can usually save most of the laundry for Mondays.  However, now that I am providing laundry services for 7 people (my family plus my dad lives with us) it takes literally an entire day to do the laundry.  Luckily I can do other things in between loads but I have to change the laundry continually throughout the day without taking much time between the end of one load and the beginning of the next in order to get it all clean, folded and distributed by the time I go to bed on Monday night.  And if I am gone for a couple of hours during the day it runs into Tuesday.  And laundry is just one example.  Consider also the number of dishes we go through every day and how much messier a house with 7 people gets in just a short time and the taking care of each child's individual needs for attention and homework help and running them to the places they need to be and helping them learn to work and teaching them to be good people and on and on.... 

Now it is true that when one has multiple children the older ones can help out with the younger ones and this does offset the workload to some degree.  And I have children who are great workers and help out a ton with house and yard work. 

When other things (besides number of children) are taken into account such as having children with special needs or having to work outside the home in addition to being the mom or demanding callings or community involvement or any of the innumerable other things that make each of our situations unique it is critical that we remember that we don't know what it's like to be in each other's shoes. 

Not Funny. Me sad!

My darling little Avery's heart was broken at Wal-Mart today.   Alex had received 3 of exactly the same set of Legos for his birthday and was picking out 2 new sets to trade them for.  Unfortunately, Avery was with us.  I prepped Avery on the way to the toy aisle, explaining that he could look at the toys today but that we were not going to buy one and take it home. 

The child knows exactly where the Cars 2 toys are located and promptly picked out exactly which one he wanted to take home.  It was a tiny Finn McMissile and he talks!  The problem is that Finn costs almost $8 and we need to be really careful with our money right now so we can get a new house soon.    I held my ground, even though it was really, really hard to say 'no' to his adorable (remember, he's still just 2) begging.  He kept saying, "Please, mom...PLEASE buy?"  I talked to him again at eye level, explaining that I would like to buy him the toy but that I don't have enough money for it this time.  I tried telling him that maybe he could get it for his birthday like Alex got presents for his birthday.  Unfortunately, the logic of the situation didn't change the fact that he really wanted it! 

When it was time to go I asked if he wanted to put it back on the shelf or if he wanted me to do it.  I counted to three and it hadn't been replaced, so I had to pry the car from his tiny hands and put it back on the shelf.  He did all he could to squirm out of my arms, wailing in a broken-hearted way (not the same kind of crying as a spoiled kid fit).  He was crying big giant tears.  It was so sad and it was really all I could do not to buy it for him (but, see, I'm a smart Mom and didn't give in which will make it easier for him to believe it when I tell him 'no' in the future).  He cried the whole way out and kept trying to tell me what he wanted.  I just kept whispering that I know he wants that car really, really bad but I can't buy it for him today.  At one point he yelled, "Listen!  Want car!"    

Renewed energy went into the crying and again he tried to squirm away from me when we got to the check stand...and when we reached the doors to exit...and again when we got to the van.  As we were driving away Alex was trying to distract him with something he thought was funny.  Avery's response: "Not funny.  Me sad!"   Well, Avery, me sad, too!  I wish I could have spoiled you today!

Changing Education Paradigms