Sunday, February 15, 2009

My Thoughts On The Telephone

Scenario #1: You're talking with someone on the telephone when your other line rings.

Scenario #2: You're working on homework with your son or daughter. The telephone rings.

Scenario #3: Your neighbor stopped by; you're chatting, not necessarily about anything important. Do you take the call or call back?

Scenario #4: You're in the middle of dinner with your family. Do you answer the ringing telephone?

Your answer to these questions will be as individual as you are. I won't judge you for the way you choose to use your phone. In exchange, I'd love it if you would be open-minded and try to understand the reason I am the way I am with mine.

Are you someone that runs to the phone, regardless of what you're doing? Do you stop to consider what the phone is interrupting before deciding whether to answer? Do you check your caller ID before deciding whether to interrupt what you're doing to answer the phone? When you make a phone call, do you get upset when the other person doesn't answer? Do you take it personally when you get a voice mail message when you initiate a phone call?

The telephone was created for our convenience - so two people who are not in the same place can speak to each other. I think we take the convenience of the telephone too far when we expect other people to answer it regardless of what they're doing or who they are with. Let's trust them to make the judgment call for themselves based on their individual circumstances.

I know some people that will answer the telephone - no matter who is calling and no matter what they're doing. I know other people that rarely answer the phone - regardless of where they are or what they're doing and rely heavily on voice mail to receive information. I strongly believe that the way we use our time should not be determined by when other people happen to call. When deciding whether or not to answer the phone, I consider what I'm doing, who I'm with and how I'm feeling. I take a second to consider whether answering the phone is really worth what I'm trading for it. How often do you get a call that really could not wait for you to call back? (Of course I'm not talking about work phone calls, as you have a responsibility to your employer.) For personal calls during your own personal time, it is up to you when you choose to answer. What message are you sending to the person you're already spending your time with, when you put them on virtual 'hold' to take a call?

Voice mail allows the caller to make his/her needs known without interrupting what the person being called is in the middle of. Leave a message and I'll call back at a more convenient time. Answer the phone or don't - it's your choice. I'll leave you a message if I get your machine. Of course, for voice mail to be effective, it has to be checked regularly, which I need to do better. Note: feel free to call back as many times as you like if I don't answer, just in case I don't get your message as quickly as you would like. This won't bother me as long as you don't assume that whatever else I was doing was less important than your call.

On a related note, I have a cell phone. I've distributed my number to only a few people. I consider my cell phone to be a device I pay for, for my convenience (not so that anyone can reach me regardless of where I am or what I'm doing). I carry it with me sometimes, I leave it in the car or the diaper bag at other times. I choose to have a cell phone in case I have a change of plans en route or break down and need help or something along these lines. I rarely use it to chat with people. Please don't take offense to the way I choose to use my cell phone.

Sometimes life gets busy and I choose not to let my life revolve around my telephone. It's nothing personal; it's just the way I choose to handle one of the many kinds of interruptions in my life.

4 comments:

Ken Miller said...

More questions to ponder:

Scenario #1: You're talking with someone on the telephone when your doorbell rings. Do you open your door?

Scenario #2: You're working on homework with your son or daughter. The doorbell rings. Do you open your door?

Scenario #3: Your neighbor stopped by; you're chatting, not necessarily about anything important. When your doorbell rings, do you answer the doorbell or just look to see who's there and call them back later?

Scenario #4: You're in the middle of dinner with your family. Do you answer the ringing doorbell?

How do your neighbors feel when they ring your doorbell, knowing you are home, and you do not open your door to them? What message did you send them?

We all have the right to answer our phones or our doors when it is convenient for us and it suits our individual mood at the moment. We can choose what we think is best for us alone, not knowing, or really considering what the caller's immediate need might be.

We can choose to answer the call or not. We cannot choose the consequences of not being there for someone when they might desperately need our help. Choosing to open our lives to others, whether it is convenient or not, always costs us something . . . but, the cost is always compensated for by the blessings that come from being there to help others in their hour of need.

Please do not misunderstand this message. My questions and comments are not about Natalie, or anyone else for that matter, they are simply my way of examining questions that are posed to me. {Natalie did open the discussion with questions for me to ponder.] I am not criticizing Natalie's choices, I am just presenting the thoughts that occur to me as I examine where I should draw the line(s) that define(s) where I will accept communication and where I will not.

I listened to a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks recently where he presented the idea that even the best motives and actions, if carried to extreme, result in spiritual harm to ourselves and others. I think this topic falls into that category of things that can be carried to the extreme, either way (to be constantly available - or to never be available) and each of us must set our own level.

Mosiah 4:27
27 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

The correct level for each of us will vary from time to time as our physical and emotional strengths wax and wane, due to the normal (or abnormal) stresses of our individual lives. I think the key is for each of us to keep an open mind and continue to review our own attitudes toward responding to others. NO particular level will be right for all time and/or for all people. I'd suggest that the correct balance point will be found when we examine the questions/scenarios that are presented to us from the point of view of the levels of service we want to provide to those around us, not upon our own personal levels of convenience.

Again, I'm not criticizing Natalie, I'm trying to define a general principle that can be applied by all people at any particular moment in time.

Elder Oaks talk can be found at http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=7087

Dad

Debbie said...

One thing I love about computers and email is that I can send a message, knowing the recipient can read it at his/her leisure - when it's convenient. Of course I realize if it's important and timely this may not work to get the message out but otherwise, I prefer it to the phone since I'm pretty sure I won't be disrupting something significant.

I grew up in the time when phones were a miracle to allow us to communicate immediately, effectively and conveniently. (Ha ha, we could also listen in on party line calls!) It also helps in cases of emergency. We didn't have voice mail, caller ID or cell phones so it was imperfect and we often felt urgency in case it was important, but people did take advantage and it's nice we now have other options and ways to prioritize. I also notice people LOVE that I have a cell phone and they believe they can reach me any time and any place - isn't that what moms are supposed to be for? They get irritated when I don't answer even if they don't answer their own (not Nat of course - she understands!). Well, just some of the problems and blessings of technology.

Good post subject for us to ponder.

Aubrey Anne said...

Sorry.

Jon said...

I think Dad needs a blog...